“I never knew I’d enjoy running so much. I can run 15 minutes non stop now! I’m awesome… how far is a marathon?”
“OK I’m going to run 100!” – ScottyRunner
This is how my mind works. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing because as soon as I was able to run 30 miles I decided I wanted to run 184 miles. So I registered onto the T184 Endurance Race. A 184 mile self supported challenge across the entire length of the Thames National Trail. This starts in London at the Thames barrier and ends at Thames Head in the Cotswold National Park. Every time I am able to run a little further my goal becomes less important and I set myself an even bigger task than before.
So running 15 minutes back in 2013 was a huge deal for me. I was that typical guy who got out of breath walking up stairs or chasing down that bus! Oh and the bus journey would only be for a half mile! I never exercised. I began smoking when I was 13 years old. From 16 I started drinking a lot going to nightclubs and bars several times a week. When I was 18 I started to use a range of drugs including amphetamines, cocaine, LSD, ketamine, ecstasy and MDMA. On most weekends in London I would take these all on the same weekend and in large quantities! Along with 40-50 smokes and what seemed like several barrels of alcohol.
So that was hitting rock bottom. Trying to scrape through the emotional scars of an abusive childhood! Trying to find myself and who I wanted to become. It was a long journey and the journey ahead is even longer but as my path begins to unfold I see who I am becoming and it’s much greater the human I once was. I am here to share my experiences with you.
In my head I am a pro! But I am really not. I live and breath ‘pro-ness’ as it’s what helps me keep going. Just a word of caution not to try some of the things I do without careful consideration. I believe I may be bipolar so I will do some extreme things which seem completely reasonable to me….. it’s one way to learn I guess. I believe my abusive childhood along with my mental health issues are what are pushing me to become much more than I told I’d be as a child. I have tried everything and given up on everything I ever did, mainly because I didn’t love it. My mental health tricked me into believing I loved something and then when my poles switched I gave up and loss interest. Even after convincing everyone around me that THIS WAS IT. This is what I loved!. Often times I am not sure if I love something or just manic. I do know that I never do things that I do not enjoy. I never listen to the norms of “this and that is life get over it”. No I’m sorry life is to be enjoyed and to enjoy every moment you can. When I’m manic, I want to run, and when I am depressed I want to run. Running is my life and the one of those few things I have truly stuck to.