At the End of my Life Looking Back.

sun in hands

I am very old now. I am beginning to approach my hundredth birthday. I feel myself becoming more and more peaceful with every single breath that I take. I feel no pain, no worry or fear. I know that I am close to passing over. I know my time in this physical body is coming to a close and that a new chapter is to begin for me. I’m sat here on my swinging chair outside my glorious home within the tropics. In front of me I see a smorgasbord of trees carrying juicy fresh organic oranges, lemons, limes, nectarines, bananas and figs and more beyond that. I see a sprawling ground full of exotic vegetables just waiting to be picked and eaten over the coming days. Beyond these I see the sun coming down over the horizon as it makes it’s way to meet the end of the oceans. The sky turns orange just as it has done 36, 250 times and more since I came into this wonderful world. I’m thinking about the amazing life in which I have had.

Tropical-Sunset


From small beginning of limitations set by others and set by myself I have come far. The memories of the abuse from family I suffered as a child. I remember always being told I would never be anyone and I would never go anywhere. My life was a waste of time I should never have been born, that I was an accident. I remember the fists in my face, being strangled my by collar while thrown out of rooms and being beaten in the chest by his foot while curled in a ball on the ground. I remember the memories of those who bullied me through school. I was a victim and played easy target to them. I remember the self-harm I can still see the cuts on my arms. I can sometimes still taste the metallic taste of medications in which I overdosed on.  I’m also remembering my shaky start to adulthood. Oh how I have been ‘rich’ and been poor but always remained poor. Remember that being rich goes beyond what is in your wallet. I’m remembering the times of drug use as a means to escape. The times of smoking and drinking, feeding my body with poisons, perhaps because I didn’t feel that this body of mine deserved to be treated well. The times I allowed my thoughts to overtake my happiness.  Yes the first quarter of my life was a difficult one. Though I’m not the only one. I remember all this but the pain is such a distant emotion. It’s just as though the printer has almost ran out of ink. Actually I think it might have. All I sense from my past is gratitude. For without all the trying times in my life I wouldn’t be who I am today. I wouldn’t have grown how I have grown and I wouldn’t be able to help others the way I have. I’m thankful for all the experiences I have had in life both good and bad.

Since then on my life changed. Disbelief was taken away, limitations erased. I learned better coping mechanisms. I found the positive in the negative. I noticed steps back and decided not to dwell on them but move forward, I’d began to find my way and my achievements have been plentiful. One of the most important being my ability to live in balance with joy and happiness, regardless of any mental health issues I had when I was younger. I have learnt to be inspired, motivated and positive throughout my life. Even greater I have been able to pass this onto others as my full time mission.

I have mastered the Spanish language and am living in a Spanish speaking country. Here I have been working in harmony with nature and my surround with the food I eat and energy I use.

I have had a successful and inspiring running career. I have ran across vast distances.  I have covered hundreds and thousands of miles across national trails throughout different lands. Always on a journey, inspiring myself, motivating myself moving my body, and most importantly, my mind forward with every single step that I took. I have continued to blog about this in some way or another through my life though the methods have changed somewhat since the ‘blogging’ days. I’m not quite sure what they call it now. This has just as importantly brought inspiration to others which has been my life’s work.

spiritual

I have achieved almost everything I had hoped for. I think that achieving everything that we ever wanted in life is a fallacy. To have achieved everything is to stop being inspired, stop being motivated to stop learning more, to stop loving and creating and living. Love, joy, happiness, peace, fulfillment knows no boundaries and I will continue to build on all those things I already have a great deal of and feel a great deal of now. Right through these last days of my life. The world is a vast place with infinite things that we can do out there and learn out there, and within ourselves. I know for sure I won’t have completed all my goals when I pass. For one I have just started to rebuild on my knowledge of quantum physics and I do not expect to learn all that I’d hoped to within my last few days. I do it though because it fascinates me. So yes I know I will have goals that I have not achieved and I am happy with that so long as I am happy with WHO I currently am, and I am.


The first quarter of my life was difficult but my my my how I have made up for it with the rest of my life. All the earlier difficulties were there to help build my strength to have the amazing life which I have had. 

Philip is my life and soul and he has been with me right up until this day.  We have had trying times the two of us. We have not always enjoyed the same things. Sometimes we wondered if we were suited to each other we spoke about how we both imagined doing the things we loved most as individuals, together, laughing and smiling. Though there are many things that fascinate my husband which do not fascinate me. We spoke to each other about the things we do love and our dreams and we created dreams together and achieved those with support for one another and love. People believe love is lost when the spark has gone. Love isn’t a spark between two people that’s an infatuation which turns into something much deeper, something that was never achieved with anyone else I ever met. He has been my lover and he has been my best friend, and a little piece of his spirit will be with mine when I leave this world, just as it is now. We are both very old now and very happy. Living our final days together in peace.

I have found the diversity in the people I have met very interesting and rewarding. So many people don’t give themselves enough credit but luckily they can find it within themselves. It’s always been there, they just need to find it, accept that they deserve to feel that way and have those things and make the choice. People who have come to me for life coaching who thought their lives where in ruins have come out with some of the most inspiring and profound things I ever thought was possible. They were just simply beyond my wildest dreams. I have seen 100s of people and every single one of them enriched my life with my guidance to enrich theirs. We are capable of so much more than we know. The great riches in life are not just for a select few but can be achieved for anybody. This has enriched both my life and theirs and allowed me to better my service by sharing their wisdom along with mine to the next person. This has been pretty powerful stuff.

Another thing that’s interesting is how life just continues to go on and on. The hills and mountains continue to sit there almost never moving through their existence. The wind continues to blow through everything that is passes. The trees continue to grow as tall as buildings. The birds continue to chirp their beautiful songs. As I come towards the end of my life I see all new life around me coming into existence every day. I sit and I think of all the trivia that I allowed into my life once upon a time. All those silly things that I allowed to get on top of how I felt and thought about myself, other people and the rest of the world. I may be old and I may be wise, but overall I am only a tiny fragment of something much greater, the great cycle of life, and all that which is beyond the beyond of the universe and our minds. What an amazing world.

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I had lost who I was when I was younger I think most people get lost at some point in their life. I think they do as they believe they should. They do what they are told to do and never question for many years why they are doing it. They never question whether it’s what they want to do. Even more scary many people know they are not happy every day and decide to not take action. Does it make them happy? Do they love what they do? Do they love who they are with? Then they find themselves lost. They look in the mirror and don’t see the true reflection of who they should be and want to be. They don’t see the reflection of who they are inside. They are the reflection of the person the system tells them to be. They are living by that system as ‘individuals’ and are also limiting themselves greatly by self-limitations and limitations imposed on them over the years by family and friends. I think the best thing anyone could ever do in life is to become lost for a length of time in which to go back to basics and discover who you really are inside. What makes YOU happy? What do YOU want? Sometimes when our lives have taken control of us, we are sad, depressed, lonely and lost and we don’t know what we want or what makes us happy. Sometimes we feel nothing makes us happy. Think as you did as a child what made you happy then? What did you dream? Through being lost and experiencing all those emotions that go with it we have a chance to find ourselves. It may take time but stay lost and you will find a way.  Much like I did all those years ago.

Now I am much older and looking back on my life and I love the person I have become. I love the person I became a long time ago. I am proud of the work I have done and the world I have created around me. I am proud of the people I have helped.  Through sheer stubbornness to not accept that “that is life get over it” I have managed to find who I am and what I want to do in life.  I discovered how to make a living in doing what I love best. I have maintained good health through eating good nutritious healthy foods that I have mainly grown myself right here at home. I have eaten well and still been treated. Fruit are the best treats in life. I have taken up exercise most of my life and even now toward the end of my life I enjoy the occasional walk through the forest or to meditate on the beach. I have shown love and compassion to all those who have come into my life. Well the most of it anyway. Those that I have had disagreements or fights with in my younger life I have apologized to upon further contact and settled our differences. Some of those have become close friends to this day. Others we have agreed to disagree and wished each other all the luck and happiness in the world for the future, both separating with smiles, love and peace for one another. 

I wouldn’t change a thing. I have set out to achieve all the things that I held most dear to my heart to help me to be successful and wealthy and have a rich life. I have done all I can to help other people to do the same. I have done all I can to help other animals and life around me. I have spared their lives by making the choice to not eat animals nor use any products in which they need, or to use them for my own entertainment for men to profit from. I have helped any animal I could help at that current time. I have become guardian for several animals over my life, in need of a home. I am very content with the way my life has gone.

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The most important wisdom and advice I would like pass on to others at this stage in my life, would be to get lost and find yourself! It doesn’t matter how long it takes to find yourself but do so. When you do then live and breathe it with every inch of your being. You may need to make changes, you may need to let go of some of the things or even people in your life… and that’s ok. Everything will be ok.

When the heavens have come to me and it is my time.I shall close my eyes, I shall smile, I shall allow the light to enter my body and lift my soul, my spirit and the true essence of me from my body. I shall look forward to the amazing journey ahead of me to come.

Behind me I will leave my love for every single one of you.
-ScottyRunner

Forest path in the woods

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About scottyrunner

Have you got all day? ;) View all posts by scottyrunner

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