Tag Archives: bad habits

Vegan Attacked at the Dinner Party.

debutart_jacquie-boyd_15739I was at a meal last night.They were all sat round laughing and smiling and it felt good. I felt at home. I tucked into my vegan meal as Chris shared around carved roasted beef slices. Freshly sliced from the cow. The person sat next to me sniggered as she looked at my meal.
“You should get some of this in ya mate. Eating all that crap you need meat!”
Everybody else began laughing. They started to make comments of their own. Another friend began to bounce the meat around on her plate going
“moooooooooooo mooooooo splat”.
I tightened my fist and slammed it hard on the table, rattling everything sat ontop of it. There was a deep silence and faces of shock looked upon me. I stormed over to Chris in anger. He was still holding the knife. I lifted his hand up and pointed the blade directly at my heart.
“Go on guys do it. Kill me, stick that knife right here RIGHT NOW and cut into my heart so that I die! Then you can eat me! I am meat just the same as that cow you are eating there.”
Faces staring and everyone in shock.
“DO IT NOW!” I screamed
“Can’t you see? That…” as I pointed to the roasted cow…
“That is no different from me, from you, or any of us. The sooner you realise this, the better! I for one will NEVER be joining any of you for meals again.”
Then I walked out the building in mind that I would never return.
I woke up from this dream shortly after. I never knew the people in my dream but they were good friend IN the dream, at least up until the end anyway. Thought I’d share. Maybe some of you could use this. I know many of you have to put up with this crap time and time again. Although I generally advocate spreading our cause with love and compassion to all live (including humans), I would not allow myself to be attacked like this.

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Can Meditation be a Bad Thing?

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We all read and hear about the many mental, physical and other benefits of meditation. Though this last few days I have been considering if meditation can become a bad thing.

I started meditating properly 8 weeks ago and I haven’t missed a day since then. I have done 20 minutes in the morning and then started 60 minutes later on through the day. I did miss a few of the 60 minute sessions while on holiday. I decided to swap them out, so I would do a 60 minute meditation first thing in the morning to make this easier to get into habit. It would then be absolutely easy peasy to throw in the extra 20 minute meditation session later in the day, even if I have become tired.

So in 8 weeks of building up the times I meditate, I have now done about 2 days worth of meditation in total. This last few days I have considered doing another 60 minute session in the middle of the day or to even extend my morning session to a 2 hour session.

I have stopped myself from doing this at the moment. That doesn’t mean I wont do this in the longer run. Though this behaviour is so typical of me. I am either all or nothing. 8 weeks in to be doing 2 hours and 20 minutes a day is a little over the top.

I realised the reason I want to do it for longer is to help my days go faster. Especially when I have a day in which I’m battling with my emotions and feelings. I have been thinking over and over “just throw in a meditation session and forget about it all”. Though I fear that this is escapism and may produce more problems than I already had. I fear it will produce a state of mind where the things I would normally enjoy outside of meditation will become duller and I will not want to do them. I worry that all I will want to do is meditate.

Meditation was taken on for two reasons, 1 was to make me a better runner, and the other was to help me gain balance and help with my bipolar moments in life. I’m on a quest at the moment to heal myself of my mental health problems. Many have deemed this to be dangerous and to take great caution. Though this is the choice I have made. I can not wait 4 months between psychiatry appointments expecting them to fix all my problems. I can’t sit around waiting in the meantime and allow my mental health to dictate my emotions, feelings and actions. So I have had to take action myself right here right now.

I’m going to keep watching these desires to meditate more often, and see if they continue when I feel more balanced in general.

PS on the other hand I may just be having mid week, post race blues from the weekends 8.5 mile fun run 😉

Peace and love
-ScottyRunner


Eating Healthy is Just Like Trying to Quit Smoking!

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So I have decided that eating healthy is just as hard as quitting smoking.

I smoked regularly from age 13 until age 24 (I’m 27.5 now). Up until about the age of 22 I enjoyed it all the time and never thought twice about quitting…. well, I say I enjoyed it; I was in denial about it! I guess I refused to accept that I didn’t want to quit because I knew it would be tough. Plus back then didn’t really care about my health.

When I was 22 I wanted to quit every single day. I remember waking up and telling myself “this is the day, no more, I’m never going to smoke again”. At best I would last about 5 days, at worst a few hours and on average it would have been about a day or two each time. I found the longer I stopped for the more I smoked again when I took it back up.

I am finding a similar challenge with food. It’s so easy to keep tucking into whatever you want rather than what you know you should be eating. I find it particularly easy because of my almost constant athletic frame. I may look healthy but behind closed doors I do shift some absolute crap through my body. Most crap apart from animal based crap, alcohol and drugs (these things are long gone from my body now).

All in all I find myself being very sensible about the whole thing…. most the time. I do make most meals from scratch even unhealthy ones. Compared with most of what I see in other peoples shopping trolly’s we buy very good foods. This doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of room for improvement though. I read labels and avoid heavily poison processed foods. Then other times I gorge myself on unhealthy meals, for everything I eat that day. After I have done this I know I wont put on weight but I feel rotten. I can feel it clinging onto my body, and mentally I feel even worse. I start to think about all the great athletes of the world and perhaps what their diet is like. I think of my role models. I feel ashamed.

Sometimes when I am told “it’s ok in moderation, it’s just a treat”. How is this even possible? Since I quit smoking completely I would never just have the odd one or two and say “it’s fine it’s just a treat”. I know how bad it is for my body. Yet when it comes to food, cakes and sweets we have this idea that it’s fine just once or twice? This doesn’t seem to sit right with me.

Me and my husband recently tried going 80:10:10 (fruitarian, raw, Vegan) which is 80% of your calories in carbs, 10% in protein and 10% in fat. We had planned to do this for a month and managed 7 days as a detox. After this we slipped into old ways again. It’s now been about a week since we finished this detox. We keep talking about how we miss it.

We are in Turkey on holiday for 3 weeks soon and we are most likely going to eat a lot of fruit in the day and maybe one cooked meal in the evening. Once we return we have been discussing gradually making the change to 80:10:10 on a more permanent basis. There may be some slight modifications throughout the colder months though with an emphasis on hot soups and stews packed with veges.

Who knows where things will go but I need to make better choices RE my diet, and I must work out a way to sustain it properly. I am now starting to find myself in a situation where I was when trying to quit smoking. Every day trying to quit bad foods and diet habits and it’s driving me bonkers 😉

I’m hoping much like quitting smoking, and quitting drinking that with continuous persistence eventually the bad foods will just slip away and the desire to eat them will too. I think a fruitarian diet is perfect and with this upcoming holiday I can’t think of any easier way to eat. Almost everywhere can provide fruit 😉

Anyway rant over
Lots of peace and love
-ScottyRunner