We all read and hear about the many mental, physical and other benefits of meditation. Though this last few days I have been considering if meditation can become a bad thing.
I started meditating properly 8 weeks ago and I haven’t missed a day since then. I have done 20 minutes in the morning and then started 60 minutes later on through the day. I did miss a few of the 60 minute sessions while on holiday. I decided to swap them out, so I would do a 60 minute meditation first thing in the morning to make this easier to get into habit. It would then be absolutely easy peasy to throw in the extra 20 minute meditation session later in the day, even if I have become tired.
So in 8 weeks of building up the times I meditate, I have now done about 2 days worth of meditation in total. This last few days I have considered doing another 60 minute session in the middle of the day or to even extend my morning session to a 2 hour session.
I have stopped myself from doing this at the moment. That doesn’t mean I wont do this in the longer run. Though this behaviour is so typical of me. I am either all or nothing. 8 weeks in to be doing 2 hours and 20 minutes a day is a little over the top.
I realised the reason I want to do it for longer is to help my days go faster. Especially when I have a day in which I’m battling with my emotions and feelings. I have been thinking over and over “just throw in a meditation session and forget about it all”. Though I fear that this is escapism and may produce more problems than I already had. I fear it will produce a state of mind where the things I would normally enjoy outside of meditation will become duller and I will not want to do them. I worry that all I will want to do is meditate.
Meditation was taken on for two reasons, 1 was to make me a better runner, and the other was to help me gain balance and help with my bipolar moments in life. I’m on a quest at the moment to heal myself of my mental health problems. Many have deemed this to be dangerous and to take great caution. Though this is the choice I have made. I can not wait 4 months between psychiatry appointments expecting them to fix all my problems. I can’t sit around waiting in the meantime and allow my mental health to dictate my emotions, feelings and actions. So I have had to take action myself right here right now.
I’m going to keep watching these desires to meditate more often, and see if they continue when I feel more balanced in general.
PS on the other hand I may just be having mid week, post race blues from the weekends 8.5 mile fun run 😉
Peace and love