Tag Archives: self exploration

Can Meditation be a Bad Thing?

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We all read and hear about the many mental, physical and other benefits of meditation. Though this last few days I have been considering if meditation can become a bad thing.

I started meditating properly 8 weeks ago and I haven’t missed a day since then. I have done 20 minutes in the morning and then started 60 minutes later on through the day. I did miss a few of the 60 minute sessions while on holiday. I decided to swap them out, so I would do a 60 minute meditation first thing in the morning to make this easier to get into habit. It would then be absolutely easy peasy to throw in the extra 20 minute meditation session later in the day, even if I have become tired.

So in 8 weeks of building up the times I meditate, I have now done about 2 days worth of meditation in total. This last few days I have considered doing another 60 minute session in the middle of the day or to even extend my morning session to a 2 hour session.

I have stopped myself from doing this at the moment. That doesn’t mean I wont do this in the longer run. Though this behaviour is so typical of me. I am either all or nothing. 8 weeks in to be doing 2 hours and 20 minutes a day is a little over the top.

I realised the reason I want to do it for longer is to help my days go faster. Especially when I have a day in which I’m battling with my emotions and feelings. I have been thinking over and over “just throw in a meditation session and forget about it all”. Though I fear that this is escapism and may produce more problems than I already had. I fear it will produce a state of mind where the things I would normally enjoy outside of meditation will become duller and I will not want to do them. I worry that all I will want to do is meditate.

Meditation was taken on for two reasons, 1 was to make me a better runner, and the other was to help me gain balance and help with my bipolar moments in life. I’m on a quest at the moment to heal myself of my mental health problems. Many have deemed this to be dangerous and to take great caution. Though this is the choice I have made. I can not wait 4 months between psychiatry appointments expecting them to fix all my problems. I can’t sit around waiting in the meantime and allow my mental health to dictate my emotions, feelings and actions. So I have had to take action myself right here right now.

I’m going to keep watching these desires to meditate more often, and see if they continue when I feel more balanced in general.

PS on the other hand I may just be having mid week, post race blues from the weekends 8.5 mile fun run 😉

Peace and love
-ScottyRunner

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Sending a Message of Apology.

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Someone close to me has removed me from Facebook now. It’s not from my post the other day about leaving groups. It’s because I pushed them too far with my constant questions around diet and nutrition. This person I felt very highly about and I still do and it’s really sad to see the friendship has come to an end.

I have been on a journey for some time. Sometimes I may come across as being a bit selfish. I don’t mean to be. I don’t know if it’s because of the abuse I endured as a child or what. I spend each day trying to better myself and to fix all the wrongs my parents taught me. I have been exploring myself, developing myself and been trying to grow into being the kind of person I want to be and others would like me to be.

Someone who is loving, caring, compassionate, generous, giving. Someone who is generally happy, joyful and peaceful. Someone who can pass on the positive energies of these qualities to others.

This post is my apology to the people involved. I can not contact them now but I can send out a message telepathically. Getting it written down also helps me put it into perspective. I also apologise to anyone else who may believe I am rather selfish. I do not mean to be and I am trying to be better.

I’ve 3 books on spiritual transformation to read while I’m on holiday. One a week… I was going to start them before I left but wanted to hold them for the holiday. I’m sure they will help even just a few % in personal development. 🙂 Cus of course also me being a better person gives you a better friend… and we both deserve that. Thanks for your patience 😉

To my dear friend who I have lost I wish him all the happiness in the world. For this life and all the many lives ahead of him.

All I truly want is to love myself and be happy and to be able to pass that on to others.
-ScottyRunner

On and up.


Meditation and Shrinking “The Cloud”.

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I have been meditating for about 4 months now, though I have only recently taken to guided meditation through HeadSpace. This can be found as an app or online.

During my earlier sessions I was told to imagine the sky, and see the clouds clearing if it was overcast. I could then either imagine a bright clear blue sky or see a small white bubbly cloud.

I have been thinking about this over the last few days and instead of the clear blue sky during meditation today I decided to accept that there are some negative things in the world. The thing is though we have the choice whether we wish to feed that cloud and make it larger or if we want to keep the skies almost clear.

So today during my meditation I decided the small cloud will stay there. Inside of that cloud is where I put all those little demons that I have already dealt with or don’t want to deal with right now.

So one day I may be walking down the street, I’m whistling and smiling and just generally darn right happy as usual! Then someone or something steps into my space and tries to pull that energy down. I begin to notice my emotions slightly change and this small cloud is directly over my head, it roars and strikes and then starts to rain.

Then within just a few seconds I look up, I laugh. That cloud is so small. I take 2 steps forward in the direction of sunlight and all of a sudden all my problems have once again gone away.

I thought if the sky was completely clear then if a storm did brew up all of a sudden I wouldn’t have made a connection with the small cloud to easily be able to step away from it. The danger then would be the feeling of being pulled under a storm that you can’t get out of.

and all it took was just the simple choice to take a few steps forward and choose to step out from under the cloud.


Daily Dose of Positivity and Awesomeness

Simply as the title states. A Big whopping dose of inspirational quotes to ponder over and some absolutely stunning pictures of life and Earth 🙂

I hope you enjoy as much as I did.

Lots of love to you all.
-ScottyRunner

1aca1141437b6301455386efdfd6bac3from; thatonerule.com

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Dont let yourself down


At the End of my Life Looking Back.

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I am very old now. I am beginning to approach my hundredth birthday. I feel myself becoming more and more peaceful with every single breath that I take. I feel no pain, no worry or fear. I know that I am close to passing over. I know my time in this physical body is coming to a close and that a new chapter is to begin for me. I’m sat here on my swinging chair outside my glorious home within the tropics. In front of me I see a smorgasbord of trees carrying juicy fresh organic oranges, lemons, limes, nectarines, bananas and figs and more beyond that. I see a sprawling ground full of exotic vegetables just waiting to be picked and eaten over the coming days. Beyond these I see the sun coming down over the horizon as it makes it’s way to meet the end of the oceans. The sky turns orange just as it has done 36, 250 times and more since I came into this wonderful world. I’m thinking about the amazing life in which I have had.

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From small beginning of limitations set by others and set by myself I have come far. The memories of the abuse from family I suffered as a child. I remember always being told I would never be anyone and I would never go anywhere. My life was a waste of time I should never have been born, that I was an accident. I remember the fists in my face, being strangled my by collar while thrown out of rooms and being beaten in the chest by his foot while curled in a ball on the ground. I remember the memories of those who bullied me through school. I was a victim and played easy target to them. I remember the self-harm I can still see the cuts on my arms. I can sometimes still taste the metallic taste of medications in which I overdosed on.  I’m also remembering my shaky start to adulthood. Oh how I have been ‘rich’ and been poor but always remained poor. Remember that being rich goes beyond what is in your wallet. I’m remembering the times of drug use as a means to escape. The times of smoking and drinking, feeding my body with poisons, perhaps because I didn’t feel that this body of mine deserved to be treated well. The times I allowed my thoughts to overtake my happiness.  Yes the first quarter of my life was a difficult one. Though I’m not the only one. I remember all this but the pain is such a distant emotion. It’s just as though the printer has almost ran out of ink. Actually I think it might have. All I sense from my past is gratitude. For without all the trying times in my life I wouldn’t be who I am today. I wouldn’t have grown how I have grown and I wouldn’t be able to help others the way I have. I’m thankful for all the experiences I have had in life both good and bad.

Since then on my life changed. Disbelief was taken away, limitations erased. I learned better coping mechanisms. I found the positive in the negative. I noticed steps back and decided not to dwell on them but move forward, I’d began to find my way and my achievements have been plentiful. One of the most important being my ability to live in balance with joy and happiness, regardless of any mental health issues I had when I was younger. I have learnt to be inspired, motivated and positive throughout my life. Even greater I have been able to pass this onto others as my full time mission.

I have mastered the Spanish language and am living in a Spanish speaking country. Here I have been working in harmony with nature and my surround with the food I eat and energy I use.

I have had a successful and inspiring running career. I have ran across vast distances.  I have covered hundreds and thousands of miles across national trails throughout different lands. Always on a journey, inspiring myself, motivating myself moving my body, and most importantly, my mind forward with every single step that I took. I have continued to blog about this in some way or another through my life though the methods have changed somewhat since the ‘blogging’ days. I’m not quite sure what they call it now. This has just as importantly brought inspiration to others which has been my life’s work.

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I have achieved almost everything I had hoped for. I think that achieving everything that we ever wanted in life is a fallacy. To have achieved everything is to stop being inspired, stop being motivated to stop learning more, to stop loving and creating and living. Love, joy, happiness, peace, fulfillment knows no boundaries and I will continue to build on all those things I already have a great deal of and feel a great deal of now. Right through these last days of my life. The world is a vast place with infinite things that we can do out there and learn out there, and within ourselves. I know for sure I won’t have completed all my goals when I pass. For one I have just started to rebuild on my knowledge of quantum physics and I do not expect to learn all that I’d hoped to within my last few days. I do it though because it fascinates me. So yes I know I will have goals that I have not achieved and I am happy with that so long as I am happy with WHO I currently am, and I am.


The first quarter of my life was difficult but my my my how I have made up for it with the rest of my life. All the earlier difficulties were there to help build my strength to have the amazing life which I have had. 

Philip is my life and soul and he has been with me right up until this day.  We have had trying times the two of us. We have not always enjoyed the same things. Sometimes we wondered if we were suited to each other we spoke about how we both imagined doing the things we loved most as individuals, together, laughing and smiling. Though there are many things that fascinate my husband which do not fascinate me. We spoke to each other about the things we do love and our dreams and we created dreams together and achieved those with support for one another and love. People believe love is lost when the spark has gone. Love isn’t a spark between two people that’s an infatuation which turns into something much deeper, something that was never achieved with anyone else I ever met. He has been my lover and he has been my best friend, and a little piece of his spirit will be with mine when I leave this world, just as it is now. We are both very old now and very happy. Living our final days together in peace.

I have found the diversity in the people I have met very interesting and rewarding. So many people don’t give themselves enough credit but luckily they can find it within themselves. It’s always been there, they just need to find it, accept that they deserve to feel that way and have those things and make the choice. People who have come to me for life coaching who thought their lives where in ruins have come out with some of the most inspiring and profound things I ever thought was possible. They were just simply beyond my wildest dreams. I have seen 100s of people and every single one of them enriched my life with my guidance to enrich theirs. We are capable of so much more than we know. The great riches in life are not just for a select few but can be achieved for anybody. This has enriched both my life and theirs and allowed me to better my service by sharing their wisdom along with mine to the next person. This has been pretty powerful stuff.

Another thing that’s interesting is how life just continues to go on and on. The hills and mountains continue to sit there almost never moving through their existence. The wind continues to blow through everything that is passes. The trees continue to grow as tall as buildings. The birds continue to chirp their beautiful songs. As I come towards the end of my life I see all new life around me coming into existence every day. I sit and I think of all the trivia that I allowed into my life once upon a time. All those silly things that I allowed to get on top of how I felt and thought about myself, other people and the rest of the world. I may be old and I may be wise, but overall I am only a tiny fragment of something much greater, the great cycle of life, and all that which is beyond the beyond of the universe and our minds. What an amazing world.

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I had lost who I was when I was younger I think most people get lost at some point in their life. I think they do as they believe they should. They do what they are told to do and never question for many years why they are doing it. They never question whether it’s what they want to do. Even more scary many people know they are not happy every day and decide to not take action. Does it make them happy? Do they love what they do? Do they love who they are with? Then they find themselves lost. They look in the mirror and don’t see the true reflection of who they should be and want to be. They don’t see the reflection of who they are inside. They are the reflection of the person the system tells them to be. They are living by that system as ‘individuals’ and are also limiting themselves greatly by self-limitations and limitations imposed on them over the years by family and friends. I think the best thing anyone could ever do in life is to become lost for a length of time in which to go back to basics and discover who you really are inside. What makes YOU happy? What do YOU want? Sometimes when our lives have taken control of us, we are sad, depressed, lonely and lost and we don’t know what we want or what makes us happy. Sometimes we feel nothing makes us happy. Think as you did as a child what made you happy then? What did you dream? Through being lost and experiencing all those emotions that go with it we have a chance to find ourselves. It may take time but stay lost and you will find a way.  Much like I did all those years ago.

Now I am much older and looking back on my life and I love the person I have become. I love the person I became a long time ago. I am proud of the work I have done and the world I have created around me. I am proud of the people I have helped.  Through sheer stubbornness to not accept that “that is life get over it” I have managed to find who I am and what I want to do in life.  I discovered how to make a living in doing what I love best. I have maintained good health through eating good nutritious healthy foods that I have mainly grown myself right here at home. I have eaten well and still been treated. Fruit are the best treats in life. I have taken up exercise most of my life and even now toward the end of my life I enjoy the occasional walk through the forest or to meditate on the beach. I have shown love and compassion to all those who have come into my life. Well the most of it anyway. Those that I have had disagreements or fights with in my younger life I have apologized to upon further contact and settled our differences. Some of those have become close friends to this day. Others we have agreed to disagree and wished each other all the luck and happiness in the world for the future, both separating with smiles, love and peace for one another. 

I wouldn’t change a thing. I have set out to achieve all the things that I held most dear to my heart to help me to be successful and wealthy and have a rich life. I have done all I can to help other people to do the same. I have done all I can to help other animals and life around me. I have spared their lives by making the choice to not eat animals nor use any products in which they need, or to use them for my own entertainment for men to profit from. I have helped any animal I could help at that current time. I have become guardian for several animals over my life, in need of a home. I am very content with the way my life has gone.

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The most important wisdom and advice I would like pass on to others at this stage in my life, would be to get lost and find yourself! It doesn’t matter how long it takes to find yourself but do so. When you do then live and breathe it with every inch of your being. You may need to make changes, you may need to let go of some of the things or even people in your life… and that’s ok. Everything will be ok.

When the heavens have come to me and it is my time.I shall close my eyes, I shall smile, I shall allow the light to enter my body and lift my soul, my spirit and the true essence of me from my body. I shall look forward to the amazing journey ahead of me to come.

Behind me I will leave my love for every single one of you.
-ScottyRunner

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Vegan is the New Black.

To all my loved, loving and compassionate non vegan friends. Thank you for being the kind of person you are. So loving and caring. I know you would do all you could to help someone you saw who was hurt, starving or sad. It’s just who you are! I know sometimes it can be hard when a Vegan tells you what you are doing is wrong. Especially when deep down you know the kind of person you are. I come to you from love. I ask you please to spare just 7 minutes of your time to this video. Nobody wants to see cruel videos or pictures and so you will NOT find them here. To be honest I gave up spreading those a long time ago. I think its much easier to talk to people with love and understanding, rather than hate and condemnation. I know that you are a loving caring person and that you care for other people and other animals on our planet. I only ask that you take these few minutes to open up and listen to what this gentleman has to say. Who explains how he himself found out REALLY what a vegan is and why. No need for any response. Just an open heart.

Peace and love to all of you
-ScottyRunner


Rise and Shine!

Rise-and-ShineWhether you are a runner, weight lifter, soccer player or even on a mission to write the worlds best book. You need this. Make this your morning watch ritual every day! Keep battling on keep pushing. Keep achieving. keep dreaming. Wow yourself. Wow the world.

One word. Watch!

“Rise and shine.

It’s 6am, and your hand can’t make it to the alarm clock before the voices in your head start telling you that it’s too early, too dark, and too cold to get out of a bed.

Aching muscles lie still in rebellion, pretending not to hear your brain commanding them to move
A legion of voices are shouting their unanimous permission for you to hit the snooze button and go back to dreamland, but you didn’t ask their opinion.

The voice you’ve chosen to listen to is one of defiance.

A voice that’s says there was a reason you set that alarm in the first place. So sit up, put your feet on the floor, and don’t look back because we’ve got work to do.

Welcome to The Grind!

For what is each day but a series of conflicts between the right way and the easy way, 10,000 streams fan out like a river delta before you, Each one promising the path of least resistance.

Thing is, you’re headed upstream. And when you make that choice, when you decide to turn your back on what’s comfortable and what’s safe and what some would call “common sense”, well that’s day 1. From there it only gets tougher.

So just make sure this is something you want. Because the easy way out will always be there, ready to wash you away, all you have to do is pick up your feet.

But you aren’t going to are you??
With each step comes the decision to take another

?You’re on your way now?

But this is no time to dwell on how far you’ve come. ?You’re in a fight against an opponent you can’t see?

Oh but you can feel him on your heels can’t you??

Feel him breathing down your neck

?You know what that is?? That’s you…?Your fears, your doubts and insecurities all lined up like a firing squad ready to shoot you out of the sky?

But don’t lose heart?

While they aren’t easily defeated, they are far from invincible?

Remember this is The Grind?

The Battle Royale between you and your mind, your body and the devil on your shoulder who’s telling you that this is just a game, this is just a waste of time, your opponents are stronger than you.?

Drown out the voice of uncertainty with the sound of your own heartbeat?

Burn away your self doubt with the fire that’s beneath you?

Remember what you’re fighting for?

And never forget that momentum is a cruel mistress, ?She can turn on a dime with the smallest mistake.?

She is ever searching for that weak place in your armor?

That one tiny thing you forgot to prepare for?

So as long as the devil is hiding the details, the question remains,”is that all you got?”, “are you sure?”?

And when the answer is “yes”. That you’ve done all you can to prepare yourself for battle THEN it’s time to go forth and boldly face your enemy, the enemy within
?Only now you must take that fight into the open, into hostile territory?
You’re a lion in a field of lions

?All hunting the same elusive prey with a desperate starvation that says VICTORY is the only thing that can keep you alive?

So believe that voice that says ” you CAN run a little faster ” and that ” you CAN throw a little harder ” and that ” you CAN dive a little deeper” and that, for you, the laws of physics are merely a suggestion.

Luck is the last dying wish of those who wanna believe that winning can happen by accident, sweat on the other hand is for those who know it’s a choice, so decide now because destiny waits for no man. And when your time comes and a thousand different voices are trying to tell you you’re not ready for it, listen instead for that lone voice in decent the one that says you are ready, you are prepared, it’s all up to you now. So rise and shine.”